I just can't get this optimization thing down

Why—Just why?

No seriously. Change my mind.

When you review your overworked friend's code

We all know there's no mercy!

Settling on something in the middle would be nice, but I guess that's not going to happen, is it?

Only partially satirical

FULL CIRCLEStolen from r/memes

Go away with your imaginary millions

I see here that you know SQL, but do you know MySQL?

Global Scope Considered Harmful